you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
