Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize