You're completely useless in the revolution.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
