just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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