I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
