fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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