plz talk dirty to me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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