I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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