; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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