but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
