You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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