i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize