He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The struggles of a small town man whore
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
