i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
