My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
