Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
