She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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