Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He shit in the fireplace
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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