He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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