drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
