My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
