he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
