two words...techno handjob
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
