peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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