plz talk dirty to me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
