just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're a waste of cheezeits
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
