Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
BRING THE BAGELS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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