she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
