He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had to cum in my sink.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
