Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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