Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
