You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
