you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
