i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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