so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
