i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
