Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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