I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
