No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize