these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
