Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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