He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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