Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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