but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
