I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
