So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
