He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm at about main and main street
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
