Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
