yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
