How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
