I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
