I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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