How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
