So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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