College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
