I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
