Well apparently he's into motor boating.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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