hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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