What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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